Sunday, February 22, 2009

Like Any Mardi Gras Party, Nobody Forgets The Guy With The Bird In His Hair

Holy shit. I went to the Mardi Gras party this weekend at Nicole's house. It was a damn good time. I am almost glad I didn't have a job to go to this week, because that could have been the absolute worst hangover ever. What more could you expect the morning after a party where an anatomically correct "female" cake is being falated and motor boated? That's right, motor boating a cake! We met up at Terri's house and donned our masks and I ended up with a bird in my hair! yes, a bird. I'm not sure why there was a bird, but my hair was a hot ass mess, so the bird did actually bring it all together! We hopped in the car and got to the party. I wasn't sure what to expect, but i knew it would be a good time. my goodness was it ever! that was such a lovely party. Never a worry about going hungry or thirsty. the "bar" was well appointed, and the food was truly decadent. Everyone was in a lively mood, with choice beads, masks, makeup, and a fur coat for good measure. I'm not sure how we planned our evening, but I'm quite sure we didn't plan to stay until 3:30 am like we did! I don't think I have ever gotten as drunk as I did, I started with beer, thinking it would just be a light evening. Of course as soon as i walked into the kitchen, before i could even turn the corner to see who was in there, there would be a shot in my hand. All I know is that there was a TON of red bull, of which i am not a fan at all! well I drank it, liked it, got devastatingly drunk, and definitely knew it the next day! Thank you to the Kessler's for throwing such a lovely party, and for finding my keys the next day!


Aimee and I in our masks


Steve motor boating the cake!







Nicole and Terri














A Dog Bit Your Face? what a lowsy birthday!

Well I just haven't really known how to address this particular evening on the town. But I can't not address! It was Saturday, February 14th, V-Day! Aimee, Jessica, and I decided, since we hadnt been to the city in so long, that we should hit up McCormacks. We arrived at our destination sometime around 11 p.m. and imediately started slamming hard liquor drinks. I told Mac about how I was laid off, and he suggested that I drink Long Beach Iced Tea's. Holy Jesus they really were effective!! It didnt take long before I realised I would not be very useful driving home! Anyways, moving right along. Danielle and her friend Emily were celebrating their birthdays and swung by Mac's for a few drinks too. I was sort of reluctant to hanging out with them, seeing as the last time we "ran into them" they slapped ALL of their drinks on MY TAB!! having just lost my job, I could not have that now. So Emily rushes right up to me and tells me "A dog bit my face!" I must have seemed like such an asshole because I just stared her down for a very icy moment. What do you say to that?! HELLO...!! we got to drinking, and the bar finally closed. I had never allowed myself to get so drunk in the city before, and it was a totally new experience for me. Plans were made between Jessica and Danielle, for all of us to meet up at Danielle's apartment, which is just down the road from mine. Sometime around 3 a.m. we get back to the suburbs, and I RAN across the green and up the stairs into Danielle's apartment, I was in a hurry to pass out! I knew the only real purpose in going there was so massive amount of coke could be consumed, and I really wanted NOTHING to do with that stupid ass shit. I had just made myself comfortable enough to die. and Jessica starts blowing up my cell phone, Aimee had faceplanted on the sidewalk, and Jessica needed help! We managed to steer a VERY intoxicated Aimee into the apartment, and really thats all I remember until I woke up the next morning, somehow in my own bed.
A follow up, Aimmee went to see her doctor, and due to her fall, she had a contusion, and water on her knee!!



Mac owner and most excelent bartender: McCormacks



Jessica and Danielle

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Tuesday Crew

I have had my job for just over 1 year now. There is a group of my co-workers, who tend to be in the same office on tuesdays, and over the years some came and went, and the hangers-on became a close group. Antics always ensue and big lunches are always had, and payed for by the company. Last week our contract was bought out by a rival company, and of course the company was left with few options, offer transfers or lay offs. Last week began round 1, 30 out of 60 got the boot. I got into the office around 8 this morning, and the mood was very, well out of the ordinary. It was like going to a Funeral. No more banter, dirty jokes, or completely inapropriate for work pranks. A few of us were asked to take some equipment to our company's other location in East Brunswick, NJ today, where we would all get together in a minivan and ride back to VA. While on my way to NJ, I got the word that it would be my last job here, and to expect a meeting in the morning regarding my "options." It wasnt until we stopped in Philadelphia for some cheesesteaks that I realised just what was to happen. These people whom I had avoided\ grown fond of, were all in a fine blance, I know many of them will be looking for new jobs in this wonderful economic climate, and I have no idea what will happen to me. I was a very somber drive from there. We tried to keep spirits high, joking and not getting too serious. I just couldnt help but feel a sort of sickness in my stomach. More than just knowing how hard it will be to find a job, worying how the bills will be paid, or am I going to have to move out of state, it was knowing that there would be no more tuesday crew! to add to all of this, knowing that you will lose the comradarie you have grown to love when you have a job you actually like, is probably the worst part of it.

How Do You Not Notice How Bad You Smell?

Saturday night, Im falling apart with bronchitis, and just an overall hot ass mess (H.A.M.) So of course that means it is time to go out on the town!! or well, at least another night out on the suburbs. So Aimee called me up to see if I wanted to join her at this bar in chester called Sidelines. Typically i have some ground rules about going out in the Richmond area, the first of which being, I DO NOT go south of Hull st. So I was thrilled at the idea of going to Chester (pretty south of Hull st)! I was enticed to join her by rumors of an 80's night. An 80's night at a sports bar in Chester?? I could not miss! WOW!! this was really something, it was as if I had stepped right into 1984, and Im not sure how much of the big hair, mullets, and super tacky clothes was costume! Aimee is friends with the bartender Cheryl. The bar happened to be throwing a birthday party for Cheryl and a few others, hence the 80's theme night. Cheryl was wearing a smashing rendition of something Madonna would have worn. We had reserved seats at the bar, and promptly claimed them, and got to the beer, Miller Lite for Aimee, and Bud Light for me. I noticed in this rather large crowd of patrons, a super fowl smell coming from somewhere on the other side of the room. the smell of NASTY FUNK!! It was overpowering, I was gagging, and there was no escape!! After nearly and hour I discovered the culprit, IT WAS A GAY!!! oh my god, no wonder there are bans on gay marriage, and why so many straight people think us gays are just wrong! THIS IS THEIR EXAMPLE! its bad when you go to a sports bar in Chester, VA and the scariest person in there is the only other gay, if the smell werent enough, maybe the flowing cascade of back hair, spilling over his shirt would be. This was really embarassing! He was dancing, and moving around, and kept getting closer and closer. He also had the "fag hags" with him. People have long joked that "fag hags" were just girls who were so lonely or whatever, that the only guys they would have would be some swishy gay guy, and that is that, well these girls really must have been the definative example of desperate. They werent horrible looking girls, so they must have just been so desperate for, and the very last in line to get a gay at the Gays R Us box sale. How was it that EVERYONE in the bar found this scent absolutely intolerable, and they were all over it? Well on to better things, there was a costume contest, which I must say, was very disapointing, there was a girl who looked just like Heather Duke as played by Shannen Doherty in the 1988 classic Heather's. But some other thing won it, I dont even remember who, cause her costume was that bad. But she got the loudest crowd response, leading me to believe she was probably just easy to get with. All in all, I had a really great time!!


Cheryl (bartender at Sidelines)

Monday, February 2, 2009

Superbowl with the family

By now everyone should know that I am quite satisfied with last nights game. even more satisfied am I with the party at my Mom and Dads new house! WOW!! I had some mild plans to start there and eventualy work my way to 2 other parties with Terri, Jessica, and Aimee, but since I was recruited to make my famous margaritas, that wasnt gonna happen. Food and poker started aroun 4pm and the people came from all around. some conservative suburbanites from the neighborhood, some others from all over. we had wings, tons of beer, chilli, taco soup, chips, and so much other stuff! more importantly, we had margaritas, and a Steelers victory!!



Sunday, February 1, 2009

Is This What My Superbowl Weekend is Destined To Be?

I just cant believe it, I got home on Friday noght, I had made super last minute plans with Terri to go down to the beach for the evening and hop back up in the morning. Unfortunately I got home too late for the trip to even be worthwhile, so she went along without me. All of that is good because I totally forgot that Heather and Zach were moving this weekend anyways. They had lived in the building beside mine, and were relocating ALL THE WAY across the street! so when I pulled my car into the parking stall, they were all standing around a tightly packed minivan on a dark, super cold night. So I hopped into the van, and we rode over to the new building, and quickly got everything into it. At the point the owner of the van needed to go home to a nearby neighborhood, and Zack had to drive him there. I followed in my car, so as to return Zack to the apartments before Heather got home from the airport. On the way we decided we should really pick up some beer, naturally I'm thinking, since there are 2 7-11's within a 3 block range, thats where we would go. I could pickup a scratch ticket, as lately I have been quite lucky with those, and thin swing through the McDonalds drive through and get a McRib. This of course is not how it went down, because that just would have been too wonderful right? we go to the Uppy's station, which I have never really been a fan of anyways, and thats where we go our beer, I figured "May as well still get my Scratcher, even though I know I wont win, this is not my lucky 7-11"
Get my scratcher, take a penny out of the take-a-penny tray, only to have the clerk bantering about how she could just scan the ticket to see if its a winner, Whats that about? why cant i just scratch my damn ticket?? Naturally I was not a winner, but I would not let that get me down, I STILL wanted my McRib!! Feeling like I had been cursed with bad luck, I figured that deliscious barbecue goodness could do no wrong....... WRONG!!! I got it, and it was probably the best ever, the fries were super hot, and crispy, just the right amount of salt. The sandwich looked like the picture, and I just couldnt wait, I was as gitty as a school girl, and started tearing into the bag. Zack is in the passenger seat reminding me of the curb that aparently i was driving on, Just in time to hear a thud, a hiss, and a beeping on my dashboard, warning me of low air pressure. I BUSTED MY FUCKIN TIRE!! at McDonalds of all places. Thank God Zack was so more-than-willing to take charge, and changed out the spae. I was astonished to find out that my car, which is nothing cheap, to say the least, came with a fuckin DOUGHNUT!! no full sized spare? I felt to ignorant for not realizing this bfore! So now I am riding around on a doughnut, until this week when I have some time to get it in to get a new tire.
On to Saturday, I woke up bright and early, to meet up with Heather, and head on over to my parents house, so we could borrow the Dodge Ram, and move the larger furniture over to the new apartment. Zack joined us a bit later, and was really not feeling so hot. We went on to the complex, and got to work, when Zack became so ill, he was basically bed ridden, leaving Heather and I to do the heavy lifting! As the day progressed into the night, EVERYONE started feeling a bit shaky in the tummy. This promted a trip to Wal-Greens for a bottel of nausea medicine, some Pepto pills, and some immodium. When I got back to the apartment I administered the meds to the bed riddin kids ans ran home to pray that I wouldnt be getting the same crap as them!! OMFG what a weekend!!